I can’t seem to think of anything else to do but to vent my frustrations here. Writing seems to clear my head, I don’t have to worry about being judged, and I usually come to an understanding afterwards.. so lets see how it goes.
I am very frustrated with everything, and all I can blame is myself and my hormones. Basically, being pregnant sucks. SUCKKKSSS. I am always in the worst mood and there is nothing I can do to change it. I try and try and even if I succeed for a while something ends up happening that really bursts my bubble and I’m in this melancholy or pissed off state again, sometimes both. It is driving me crazy, I just want to be happy and normal again, not like a ticking time bomb. But it is so hard when I am always in some sort of pain or have some discomfort, I look and feel like a beached whale, it takes twice as long for me to do anything, I’m constantly dying of hunger or thirst, I can’t bend over for shit, and now I am feeling so tired all the time yet at the same time want to just do anything when there is nothing for me to do.. oh and I am so lonely.
I just can’t stand being like this. I hope things go back to normal once my baby is born. Then, at least, I will have someone to talk to during the day, and into the evening. I miss Ray so much when he is at work, he is my best friend and I love spending time with him so much. I know he works all day and gets tired and just needs sleep but I am growing to hate being alone so so so much I just want to cry thinking about it. I feel terrible wanting him to stay up with me when I know he;s super tired but I just can’t take being alone for so long, every day. I just need support and he’s the only one I have so it can be hard to come by. During the week that is.. but I don’t mean it like that because he is so supportive of me at the same time.. he’s the best husband I could have ever asked for and is always there for me when I need him, except not, because I don;t tell him I need him when I really need him the most. Which is usually when he;s sleeping. And thats usually the reason I need him.
Gah I just hate being alone. And being pregnant. I just can;t wait for this to be over. I just pray everything will turn out okay for me, mentally..
