I didn’t ask for any of this. I made a personal choice that same day, perhaps an hour before I met you, to act more open and carefree and spontaneous. Maybe that change is what has caused all this pain. I wanted to be someone new. This new person has only caused me pain. Now.. If only I could remember how I acted before. All I can remember is it wasn’t working for me.. I wasn’t happy. But I’m getting progressively unhappy.
I need to return to the person I was a few weeks ago. I was happy. Getting over you. I can’t be playing this game with R. It’s only going to hurt him. As for me, it’s hurting me right now. I’ll be happy when I don’t have his burden.
I need to get my shit straight. Start college. Get a night job. Just, live for me. Not anyone else. There’s no one else in my life worth living for anymore.
